Understanding Tantrums in Young Children: Part 2

Yesterday, we discussed why young children throw tantrums. The reasons varied from little ones being tired or hungry, to them not having the language to say how they feel, or to just needing attention.

Today, I want to talk about what you can do to help your child get through a tantrum, and tips you can use to try to avoid a tantrum altogether.

I've been working with children for over 10 years now. I have learned many ways to curve, or avoid tantrums. There are many things you can do to help your child through those emotional times when they don't know how to react, or can't control their reactions.

Here's my advice:

1. Stay calm, and be patient. There's nothing that makes tantrums worse than having a yelling, or screaming contest. Children feed off of our emotions, and behavior. If they see us getting worked up, it will only cause them to get even more worked up. Staying calm is the only option.
2. Know your child. Try to avoid tantrums by removing the triggers. I'm not saying give your child that cookie he's crying over to avoid a fit. But planning ahead to avoid an over hungry toddler, or even keeping the cookies out of view can prevent having to tell the child no.
3. Emotional Support- Many times I have been able to stop a tantrum from starting by asking "Do you need a hug?" This let's the child know that you are on their side, and want to help. It's very comforting. If the child accepts, it also opens up the door for talking about whatever the problem is. Many times tantrums are caused by emotions that the child doesn't know how to control, like we discussed yesterday. Hugs offer support for their confusing emotions.
4. Distraction- Often times, younger children can be distracted from whatever it is that's bothering them. Make them forget all about it by pointing out something that may interest them, and it's like magic.
5. Joking around- Sometimes, when my son gets upset, he does this little tantrum dance where he shakes his whole body around. If his mood is not too terrible, I can say to him "That was a funny dance. Can you show me that again?" and he laughs it off. 
6. Teach children what they need to say. Often young children get frustrated when they can't do something they are trying to do. They may throw the object they were working with, or get upset. At that point, I walk over to the child and say something like this "I see that you are frustrated with your block tower. Some times building a tower can be tricky. Do you want some help?" Then I will direct them to say "I need help please." Teaching children the words that will help them avoid a tantrum helps immensely when it comes to tantrums.  
7. Some times children just need to have a good cry & there's nothing wrong with that. Tantrums are inevitable, and some times unavoidable. If you tried everything to prevent the tantrum, and it still comes on full force, the best thing you can do is let it run it's course without making deals, negotiating, or changing your rules. Giving in is one of the worst things you can do. It will make the tantrum worse and longer the next time. Place your child in a safe place where you can keep an eye on him or her, and where they are free of anything that can hurt them. On their bed, or on the floor near you is the usually the best place. Offering comfort is ok so they know you are there for them if they need it, but if that makes them more upset, then it's best to just let them go, and wait until they calm down. Afterwards, always talk to them about their feelings, and what they can do next time to avoid the situation. 
8. As always, consistency, and patience is the key to any parenting strategy.

I hope my tips helped you understand a little better about why your child throws those tantrums. They are really not against you, or trying to be defiant. There's always a reason behind the tantrum. The trick is to figure out the reason, and learn what you can do to prevent it in the future. 

As a result of me using these same tips and tricks on my own 3 year old, he rarely throws fits. If he does, I know something is wrong. Yes, he protests, and cries, but he almost never throws those screaming, crying, throwing things fits.

***

Side note: Yesterday I received my very first "I hate you, Mama!" from my 3 year old. I was already having a bad day, and that just made it worse. I cried. I was shocked since we don't speak like that, and it was the first time I heard him say anything like that. I let him finish his tantrum (I said he rarely has them, but yesterday was one of those rare times), and then we talked about how words like that can hurt people. He saw how upset I was, and said he was sorry, and asked if he could draw me a picture. (In our house, if you hurt someone, you must make it better by not only saying sorry, but by doing something nice for the person you hurt.) So this morning before he woke me up, he stayed in his room and made me a picture, then woke me up by giving me the picture. It was a great start to a brand new day!

Good luck!

Understanding Tantrums in Young Children: Part 1

Dealing with tantrums in young children is not an easy thing. & it's not always black and white. But understanding WHY tantrums happen can help parents get through those hard times when there's not always and end in sight. I mean, they can't cry forever, right? RIGHT?! In this two part post, I will touch on why tantrum occur, and how we as parents can prevent and deal with them.

It is so easy to get frustrated when your toddler or young preschooler starts to throw a fit. (Do I really have to explain to you again why you can not have cookies before dinner?)

The fact of the matter is, most tantrums occur out of frustration. Children, just like adults, get frustrated, too. Many times because they do not yet have the language to express to us how they really feel. So instead, they get their frustration of not being able to tell us by crying, screaming, and throwing a fit. 

It is our job as parents to help them learn how to express themselves in positive, efficient ways.

Some reasons young children throw tantrums:

-The child is hungry, tired, or something hurts. 

-They've heard the word 'no' too many times today. 

-They just need a hug, or some of your undivided attention

-They need some alone time (Never leave your child unattended, but it is ok to let them play by themselves for a bit while you keep an eye on them.) 

-They don't have the words to say what they want to say or how they feel

-Something was taken away from them

-They feel stress in the home 

-They are worried or upset

-They don't understand what you want them to do

Predicting tantrums is a huge part of preventing them. Often times there are certain things that lead up to a tantrum. Knowing your child, their temperament, likes, and dislikes is extremely important. For example, I know my son doesn't like sudden change. I can't just say "Jackson, it's time to stop playing, and go upstairs to get ready for bed." I need to give him warnings so he knows change is coming, and he can prepare himself for it. Instead, I say "Jackson, in 10 minutes we are going to go upstairs and get ready for bed. It's almost time to clean up." Then I give him one more warning, and when the time is up, we do what I said we were going to do. This has prevented so many tantrums.

Also, there have been many, many times when I could see a tantrum coming with him, and I simply asked him if he would like a hug. If he accepted, that hug usually made everything better, and changed his whole mood around. 

I fully believe that most tantrums can be prevented. Not by giving in to your child's demands, or every wishes. But simply by following a few simple tips that help every one. I will discuss that in tomorrows post!

*Click here to read the sequel to this post*  

50 Awesome Children's Books for Young Readers

Right around the time I got my first job as a camp counselor, I started collecting children's books. I was 14 years old at the time. By the time I had Jackson in 2010, I had an impressive collection of children's books. I even asked my dad to build a bookshelf for Jackson that I designed. He did, and that's where we store all of our children's books.

So, it's safe to say that I LOVE children's books. I love everything about them. Especially the ones with great pictures, and rhyming words.

"Children are made readers on the laps of their parents." -Emilie Buchwald

We read to Jackson every single night before bed. It's something we all look forward to. & we all have our favorites and take turns picking books out. It's such a special family activity to us, and sends a great message to our son.

I have put together a list of must-reads for your young child.

1. The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle
2. Edwina the Dinosaur who didn't know she was Extinct by Mo Willems
3. One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish (And other Dr. Suess books) by Dr. Suess
4. My Truck is Stuck by Kevin Lewis
5. Goodnight, Goodnight Construction Site by Sherri Duskey Rinker and Tom Lichtenheld
6.  Dragons Love Tacos by Adam Rubin and Daniel Salmieri
7. Extra Yarn by Mac Barnett
8. The Napping House by Audrey Wood
9. Moosetache by Margie Palatini
10. Llama Llama Red Pajama (And other Llama Llama books) by Anna Dewdney
11. The Going to Bed Book by Sandra Boynton
12. Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak
13. The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein
14. We're Going On a Bear Hunt by Helen Oxenbury and Michael Rosen
15. Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown and Clement Hurd
16. This is your Hair By Tood Parr
17. HICCUPotomus by Aaron Zenz
18. Someday by Allison McGhee
19. Spoon by Amy Krouse Rosenthal and Scott Magoon
20. If You Give a Mouse a Cookie (And other If You Give... books) by Laura Joffe Numeroff and Felicia Bond
21. I'll See You In the Morning by Mike Jolley and Mique Moriuchi
22. Diary of a Worm (And other Diary of... books) by Doreen Cronin and Harry Bliss
23. The Crayon Box that Talked by Shane Derolf and Michael Letzig
24. Brown Bear, Brown Bear by Bill Martin Jr. and Eric Carle
25. Mrs.McBloom, Clean up your Classroom! by Kelly Di Pucchio and Guy Francis
26. Mrs. Wishy Washy's Farm by joy Cowley and Elizabeth Fuller
27. The Rainbow Fish by Marcus Pfister
28. Freckleface Strawberry by Julianne More
29. Corduroy by B.G. Hennesy and Jody Wheeler
30. Roadwork by Sally Sutton and Brian Lovelock
31. Snowmen At Night (and other Snowmen books) by Caralyn Buehner and Mark Buehner
32. Guess How Much I Love You by Sam McBratney and Anita Jeram
33. The Goodnight Train by June Sobel and Laura Huliska-Beith
34. There's a Rumble in the Jungle by Giles Andreae and David Wojtowycz
33. Curious George by H.A. Rey
34. The Potty Train by David Hochman
35. How Do Dinosaurs Say I love You? by Jane Yolen and Mark Teague
36. Oh No, Little Dragon! by Jim Averbeck
37. The Best Nest by P.D. Eastman
38. God Gave Us You by Lisa Tawn Bergren
39. On The Night That You Were Born by Nancy Tillman
40. Baby Beluga (And other Raffi books) by Raffi
41. What Makes a Rainbow? By Betty Ann Schwartz and Dona Turner
42. Hands Are Not For Hitting (And other books from the Best Behavior Series) by Maritne Agassi Ph.D.
43. Chicka Chicka Boom Boom by Bill Martin Jr.
44. Willow by Denise Brennan-Nelson
45. Dragons Love Tacos by Adam Rubin
46. Bedtime is Cancelled by Cece Meng and Aurelie Neyret
47. Hippopotamus Stew by Joan Horton and JoAnn Adinolfi
48. Stone Soup by Ann Mcgovern and Winslow Pinney Pels
49. Caps for Sale by Esphyr Slobodkina
50. Little Blue Truck by Alice Achertle and Jill McElmurry

So, go check some books out at the library, or order them from amazon.com! Books ALWAYS make great gifts! As always, read, read, read!

Also, which books from this list are your favorites? What are your favorite children's books not on this list? We are always searching for new books! Please share!

Activities That Keep Young Children Entertained During Downtime

If there's one thing I've learned during my 10+ years working with children, it's how to entertain children when we only have a few minutes of downtime between activities. 

I am a nanny for 3 children, plus I take my son to work with me. There have been many times when we finish an activity but it's too early to make lunch, or I drop one child off at gymnastics and have to go back in 30 mins to pick them up again. In those short periods of time it really helps to have a list of quick, engaging activities in my mind that I can set up within a few minutes (seconds are even better).

I have compiled a list of the activities we do often that help pass the time. The kids love them and many of them are literacy or pre-literacy activities!

1. Find the stuffed animal- we will often grab a stuffed animal, and I will hide it somewhere in the house. The kids will close their eyes on the couch, while I hide it. When I am finished they all search the rooms we limited the game to. Whoever finds the animal (or whatever we chose to hide- it can be anything!) gets to hide it next.

2. I spy- I will start the game by saying "I spy with my little eye something that is" and then the color of the object I am thinking of or something that begins with the letter of the object I'm thinking of.

3. Nature Hunt- If we are outside, I will tell the kids "go find me _____" Usually I say a rock, a piece of grass, a flower, a stick, something that is a specific color, something that they think is beautiful, etc. You can send them on a hunt for anything. When they find one thing, send them to find something else, and have them start a pile of the things they find. At the end they love admiring their piles of nature treasures!

Found here

4. Number/letter recognition hunt (we do a lot of hunts, can't you tell?)- I write numbers or letters on squares of paper we cut out, or on index cards, and have the children close their eyes while I tape them around the room. Then I tell them either "go find a ___" and they find it and bring it back to me, or I have them run to a card, and they have to tell me what it is before they get to hold it.

5. Make a list- The list can be of anything. Sometimes we do a list of all fruits we can think of, sometimes it's our favorite books, sometimes it's just a grocery list. You can make a list of anything you want. This is great for young children as well as older children. Older children can help write the list themselves if they can write their letters and/or know how to read. For the younger children, they like watching me write letters, and talking about the letters and words. This is a really great pre literacy activity.

   

6. Letter sounds- Sometimes we will verbally list or write down all the words we can think of that start with a specific letter. When we get bored with one letter, we move on to another. I will say "What words start with the letter "P"?" and I will help them list some words. 

7. Build a story- I will start the story by saying a sentence to get it going. Then everyone will take turns each adding a sentence to the story. It is so fun to watch how the story unfolds and see how the personality of each child helps forms the story. Even the younger kids like to try.

8. Dance party- Many times I have turned the radio up and we have a dance party in the living room. It's great exercise, usually puts everyone in a good mood, and it's fun!

I hope many of you are able to use these activities that we love so much. It always helps to have a few tricks up your sleeve when the kids start getting bored, or you are in the car waiting to pick up a sibling from an activity. Let me know if you try any of these activities! I'd love some feedback!