Understanding Tantrums in Young Children: Part 1

Dealing with tantrums in young children is not an easy thing. & it's not always black and white. But understanding WHY tantrums happen can help parents get through those hard times when there's not always and end in sight. I mean, they can't cry forever, right? RIGHT?! In this two part post, I will touch on why tantrum occur, and how we as parents can prevent and deal with them.

It is so easy to get frustrated when your toddler or young preschooler starts to throw a fit. (Do I really have to explain to you again why you can not have cookies before dinner?)

The fact of the matter is, most tantrums occur out of frustration. Children, just like adults, get frustrated, too. Many times because they do not yet have the language to express to us how they really feel. So instead, they get their frustration of not being able to tell us by crying, screaming, and throwing a fit. 

It is our job as parents to help them learn how to express themselves in positive, efficient ways.

Some reasons young children throw tantrums:

-The child is hungry, tired, or something hurts. 

-They've heard the word 'no' too many times today. 

-They just need a hug, or some of your undivided attention

-They need some alone time (Never leave your child unattended, but it is ok to let them play by themselves for a bit while you keep an eye on them.) 

-They don't have the words to say what they want to say or how they feel

-Something was taken away from them

-They feel stress in the home 

-They are worried or upset

-They don't understand what you want them to do

Predicting tantrums is a huge part of preventing them. Often times there are certain things that lead up to a tantrum. Knowing your child, their temperament, likes, and dislikes is extremely important. For example, I know my son doesn't like sudden change. I can't just say "Jackson, it's time to stop playing, and go upstairs to get ready for bed." I need to give him warnings so he knows change is coming, and he can prepare himself for it. Instead, I say "Jackson, in 10 minutes we are going to go upstairs and get ready for bed. It's almost time to clean up." Then I give him one more warning, and when the time is up, we do what I said we were going to do. This has prevented so many tantrums.

Also, there have been many, many times when I could see a tantrum coming with him, and I simply asked him if he would like a hug. If he accepted, that hug usually made everything better, and changed his whole mood around. 

I fully believe that most tantrums can be prevented. Not by giving in to your child's demands, or every wishes. But simply by following a few simple tips that help every one. I will discuss that in tomorrows post!

*Click here to read the sequel to this post*