Understanding Tantrums in Young Children: Part 2

Yesterday, we discussed why young children throw tantrums. The reasons varied from little ones being tired or hungry, to them not having the language to say how they feel, or to just needing attention.

Today, I want to talk about what you can do to help your child get through a tantrum, and tips you can use to try to avoid a tantrum altogether.

I've been working with children for over 10 years now. I have learned many ways to curve, or avoid tantrums. There are many things you can do to help your child through those emotional times when they don't know how to react, or can't control their reactions.

Here's my advice:

1. Stay calm, and be patient. There's nothing that makes tantrums worse than having a yelling, or screaming contest. Children feed off of our emotions, and behavior. If they see us getting worked up, it will only cause them to get even more worked up. Staying calm is the only option.
2. Know your child. Try to avoid tantrums by removing the triggers. I'm not saying give your child that cookie he's crying over to avoid a fit. But planning ahead to avoid an over hungry toddler, or even keeping the cookies out of view can prevent having to tell the child no.
3. Emotional Support- Many times I have been able to stop a tantrum from starting by asking "Do you need a hug?" This let's the child know that you are on their side, and want to help. It's very comforting. If the child accepts, it also opens up the door for talking about whatever the problem is. Many times tantrums are caused by emotions that the child doesn't know how to control, like we discussed yesterday. Hugs offer support for their confusing emotions.
4. Distraction- Often times, younger children can be distracted from whatever it is that's bothering them. Make them forget all about it by pointing out something that may interest them, and it's like magic.
5. Joking around- Sometimes, when my son gets upset, he does this little tantrum dance where he shakes his whole body around. If his mood is not too terrible, I can say to him "That was a funny dance. Can you show me that again?" and he laughs it off. 
6. Teach children what they need to say. Often young children get frustrated when they can't do something they are trying to do. They may throw the object they were working with, or get upset. At that point, I walk over to the child and say something like this "I see that you are frustrated with your block tower. Some times building a tower can be tricky. Do you want some help?" Then I will direct them to say "I need help please." Teaching children the words that will help them avoid a tantrum helps immensely when it comes to tantrums.  
7. Some times children just need to have a good cry & there's nothing wrong with that. Tantrums are inevitable, and some times unavoidable. If you tried everything to prevent the tantrum, and it still comes on full force, the best thing you can do is let it run it's course without making deals, negotiating, or changing your rules. Giving in is one of the worst things you can do. It will make the tantrum worse and longer the next time. Place your child in a safe place where you can keep an eye on him or her, and where they are free of anything that can hurt them. On their bed, or on the floor near you is the usually the best place. Offering comfort is ok so they know you are there for them if they need it, but if that makes them more upset, then it's best to just let them go, and wait until they calm down. Afterwards, always talk to them about their feelings, and what they can do next time to avoid the situation. 
8. As always, consistency, and patience is the key to any parenting strategy.

I hope my tips helped you understand a little better about why your child throws those tantrums. They are really not against you, or trying to be defiant. There's always a reason behind the tantrum. The trick is to figure out the reason, and learn what you can do to prevent it in the future. 

As a result of me using these same tips and tricks on my own 3 year old, he rarely throws fits. If he does, I know something is wrong. Yes, he protests, and cries, but he almost never throws those screaming, crying, throwing things fits.

***

Side note: Yesterday I received my very first "I hate you, Mama!" from my 3 year old. I was already having a bad day, and that just made it worse. I cried. I was shocked since we don't speak like that, and it was the first time I heard him say anything like that. I let him finish his tantrum (I said he rarely has them, but yesterday was one of those rare times), and then we talked about how words like that can hurt people. He saw how upset I was, and said he was sorry, and asked if he could draw me a picture. (In our house, if you hurt someone, you must make it better by not only saying sorry, but by doing something nice for the person you hurt.) So this morning before he woke me up, he stayed in his room and made me a picture, then woke me up by giving me the picture. It was a great start to a brand new day!

Good luck!

Understanding Tantrums in Young Children: Part 1

Dealing with tantrums in young children is not an easy thing. & it's not always black and white. But understanding WHY tantrums happen can help parents get through those hard times when there's not always and end in sight. I mean, they can't cry forever, right? RIGHT?! In this two part post, I will touch on why tantrum occur, and how we as parents can prevent and deal with them.

It is so easy to get frustrated when your toddler or young preschooler starts to throw a fit. (Do I really have to explain to you again why you can not have cookies before dinner?)

The fact of the matter is, most tantrums occur out of frustration. Children, just like adults, get frustrated, too. Many times because they do not yet have the language to express to us how they really feel. So instead, they get their frustration of not being able to tell us by crying, screaming, and throwing a fit. 

It is our job as parents to help them learn how to express themselves in positive, efficient ways.

Some reasons young children throw tantrums:

-The child is hungry, tired, or something hurts. 

-They've heard the word 'no' too many times today. 

-They just need a hug, or some of your undivided attention

-They need some alone time (Never leave your child unattended, but it is ok to let them play by themselves for a bit while you keep an eye on them.) 

-They don't have the words to say what they want to say or how they feel

-Something was taken away from them

-They feel stress in the home 

-They are worried or upset

-They don't understand what you want them to do

Predicting tantrums is a huge part of preventing them. Often times there are certain things that lead up to a tantrum. Knowing your child, their temperament, likes, and dislikes is extremely important. For example, I know my son doesn't like sudden change. I can't just say "Jackson, it's time to stop playing, and go upstairs to get ready for bed." I need to give him warnings so he knows change is coming, and he can prepare himself for it. Instead, I say "Jackson, in 10 minutes we are going to go upstairs and get ready for bed. It's almost time to clean up." Then I give him one more warning, and when the time is up, we do what I said we were going to do. This has prevented so many tantrums.

Also, there have been many, many times when I could see a tantrum coming with him, and I simply asked him if he would like a hug. If he accepted, that hug usually made everything better, and changed his whole mood around. 

I fully believe that most tantrums can be prevented. Not by giving in to your child's demands, or every wishes. But simply by following a few simple tips that help every one. I will discuss that in tomorrows post!

*Click here to read the sequel to this post*  

Learning Curve

It's always a good day for a good day. That's why my next week is going to be filled with good days. I can feel it. 

Last week was a little crazy for me. For a few different reasons it was busy, emotional, confusing, challenging, unpredictable, and did I say busy?  

The toughest parts were keeping up with everything, and keeping a smile on my face. "Everything happens for a reason" is something I truly believe, and it has been something that I've reminded myself of many times lately.

Last week was also the first week of back to school for me. Since I started Hoot & Bumble in June 2013, when school was out, I am now learning, for the first time, how to juggle school work, and running an indie biz/blog. Both of them, along with my family are my top 3 priorities, so I am going to make it work. I just have to figure out how. Bear with me while I get a good flow going. I might make some adjustments, and then make more adjustments before I find something that works. I'm definitely going through a learning curve right now. 

In the mean time, I'd appreciate it if you'd all continue to share Hoot & Bumble with your friends and family. 

I'd also love any tips from other students/indie biz owners on making it all work.

I'm making a trip to the fabric store tomorrow, so I hope to have another shop update coming within a week or two. Don't forget that throughout the entire month of September, you can save 15% off your entire order in the Hoot & Bumble Online Shop by using coupon code SEPT15.  

Me {a blogger}

When I first started this blogging thing back in June, I didn't really think I was going to do it full time. I started out using it as a way to update my customers on my Hoot & Bumble business.

But then something happened. I realized I like love it. I watched {and I am still watching}other bloggers who are where I want to be. I did a few easy craft tutorials, and I was knocking out posts every night to post the next day. Then I discovered that I can schedule posts, and that opened up a huge new avenue. Now there isn't so much pressure to write every single night. I can spend an afternoon writing and line up posts for the entire next week, if I want to. That leaves time for other things, like working on giveaways, working on monetizing my blog, and creating new items for my online shop. It is so much more efficient.

I've been busy, really busy the last 3 months since I opened Hoot & Bumble. & honestly, I have loved every minute of it. It is truly my dream job to work for myself, and create hand made items for others who love my work.

I still have a long way to go to get to where I want this business to be, but staying focused isn't hard because my heart is in it. THIS is what I want to do + I fully plan to make that happen.

Thank you to everyone reading my blog, and loving my products!

Grow Your Own Handmade Business- My Fave Indie Biz Book

A few weeks ago while we were making our weekly trip to the library, I decided to check out some books about handmade businesses, and blogging. A book called Grow Your Handmade Business by Kari Chapin was one was one of my favorites that I brought home. I didn't want to take it back to the library today, but some one else had a hold on it, so I couldn't renew it. It was a great book that taught me a lot about running a handmade business. More specifically, this book gave me insight about why I want to run my own hand made business and it made me imagine myself in the future running my business. It really helped me put things into perspective. If you are looking for a great, easy read that will make you think about your hand made business, click on my amazon link below that takes you directly to amazon.com where you can buy your own copy. 

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Mommy School {Week 1}

Jackson was SO excited to start Mommy School last week. I hyped it up, and he couldn't wait to get started. On Monday morning we excitedly sat at our kitchen table together to start our activities. He loved it so much that when we were done with the activities for Monday, he wanted to do more, and we moved to Tuesdays activities. 

This weeks theme was All About Me- I wanted to work on self awareness, and understanding family structures with him as well as helping him gain appreciation for his own talents and abilities. We went to the library and picked out some books that went with the theme. Here are some of the books we ended up bringing home:

Home's Around the World- ABC's 

My Little House- 1,2,3 Adapted from the Little House books by Laura Ingalls Wilder

Franklin goes to School by Paulette Bourgeois and Brenda Clark

My Family Plays Music by Judy Cox

Little Critter- My Family by Gina and Mercer Mayer

Human Body by Kathleen Weidner Zoehfeld

My Five Book by Jane Belk Moncure

Over the course of the week Jackson had fun reading the books with me, and making an All About Me book. I used 5 1/2" x 8 1/2" plastic page protectors and binder rings to make a book. Then I cut paper down to size. Each page was designated to a certain subject such as his name, his birthday, our house and what it looked like along with our address, our family, his favorite color, his favorite things to do, and some "I can" statements after we read the book about his body. Here's how it turned out. I didn't share all of the pages.

(Personal information blanked out to protect our family)

We had lots of discussions about different families, and where people all over the world live, and looked at different kinds of houses. 

We also practiced the Letter A and Number 5 this week. I got this little index card book from Staples, and took out all but 26 of the index cards so we could turn it into his ABC book.

Then we went through a magazine and found a bunch of upper and lowercase A's, cut them out, and glued them on the page. We also found an apple to add to the page.

I tried to do a variety of activities, so we weren't just sitting down at the table. We went and played tennis for a little bit one day to get some exercise in. We practiced skipping, hopping on one foot, and galloping. We played music, and danced after reading the My Family Plays Music book. We did lots of free art, and even some sensory play. And don't worry, there was LOTS of free independent play in there too.

(His self portrait)

I'd say Mommy School was pretty successful this week. I really hope he doesn't lose interest. I'll keep doing it as long as he loves it.

Family Time + September Savings

This long weekend we had the privilege of being able to visit my parents in Ohio. It's always a treat when we get to spend time with them. We've spent the weekend catching up, laughing, and enjoying our short time together. It makes me truly happy to be with my parents, who have lived hundreds of miles away from us for the last two years. They moved from our home town two long years ago for work for my dad. Fortunately we only have to deal with them being away for another 7 months, when my dad retires, and they are able to move back to Delaware. It's been extra hard having them away because of Jackson. Having a child makes the realization of passing time that much more noticeable. My dads birthday is in a few days so we will celebrate today with them and then leave for home late tonight or early tomorrow. 

Want to save money on Hoot & Bumble products? This entire month of September you can save 15% on all orders by using the coupon code SEPT15 at check out.